Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The NBA Playoffs: Super Predictions

Watching the cross-promotions between the NBA playoffs and the movie Thor which comes out next month, I couldn't help but notice similarities between the sixteen teams in the playoffs and the some of our favorite Superheroes.

 Philadelphia Sixers vs. Miami Heat

Sixers strengths: Scrappy. Youth. They had the least amount of turnovers per game during the regular season in the NBA.
Sixer's weakness: No one to take the last shoot. Inability to get to the free throw line. Inexperience.
Superhero: Spiderman
Strength: Agile. Endurance. Andre Iguodala can scale the highest backboard.
Weakness: Lebron James and Dwayne Wade's venom.

Miami's strengths: Fast-break. Getting to free-throw line. Two 4th quarter players. 3 All-Stars who can score 20 a piece. They  have become a great defensive team.
Miami's weakness: Lack of depth. Lack of height. Lack of chemistry. Wade's migraines and self-reflection.
Superhero: Flash
Strength: Speed.
Weakness: Trying to run on ice. Battling the line between confident and cocky.

Result: Flash outruns Spiderman. Miami in 5.

Chicago Bulls vs. Indiana Pacers

Bulls strengths: MVP derrick rose. Defense. Unselfish play.
Bulls weakness: If Rose has an off shooting night. Not a lot of other scorers. Inexperience
Superhero: Captain America
Strength: Strength, endurance, agility, speed, reflexes, durability, healing, and the shield.
Weakness: Red Skull and letting the media get in their heads.

Indiana strengths: Underrated talent. Underrated Danny Granger. Never-die attitude.
Indiana weakness: Lack of star power
Superhero: Green Hornet
Strength: Gadgets and Black Beauty
Weakness: Sub-par fighting ability against the elite villains.

Result: Captain America squashes the Hornet. Chicago in 4.

Orlando Magic vs. Atlanta Hawks

Magic strengths: Defensive player of the year. Three-point shooting. When Gilbert is good.
Magic weakness: Lack of scorers. (P3) players past prime. Bad Gilbert. Dwight Howard's technical fouls. Allergies to the paint.
Superhero: Superman
Strength: Almost everything
Weakness: Kryponite and trying to be a jump-shooting team.

Hawks strengths: Individual talent. Hops
Hawk's weakness: Complacency. Discipline. Heart
Superhero: Hawkman
Strengths: Flight. Weaponry battlefield
Weakness: A passing Boeing 747

Result: Superman puts Hawkman in the Phantom Zone. Orlando in 6

Boston Celtics vs. New York Knicks

Celtics strengths: Veterans and future Hall of Famers. Using trickery and experience.
Celtics weakness: Legs. Fatigue. Trading away Kendrick Perkins.
Superhero: Batman
Strength: Utility belt. Science and smarts.
Weakness: No real super powers

Knicks strengths: Offense. Star talent.
Knicks weakness: No defense and lack of chemistry.
Superhero: Hulk
Strength: Strength and jumping.
Weakness: Happiness

Result: Batman out-smarts Hulk. Boston in 6.

San Antonio Spurs vs. Memphis Grizzlies

Spurs strengths: Coach Popovich. Defensive and veterans. Follows orders like a well-oiled machine.
Spurs weakness: Injury prone Ginobili. Tim Duncan running on fumes.
Superhero: Cyborg
Strengths: Superhuman strength, speed, and can interface with computers.
Weakness: Can be controlled by a computer chip and Eva Longoria.

Grizzlies strength: Toughness. Skilled and powerful big-men. Nothing-to-lose attitude.
Grizzlies weakness: Lack of focus and sustained energy.
Superhero: Hawkeye
Strengths: Very peak of human conditioning; he is an exceptional fencer, acrobat and a grandmaster marksman.
Weakness: Bullets and poker games from 30,000 feet.

Result: The machine is tested, but not broken. San Antonio in 7.

Los Angeles Lakers vs. New Orleans Hornets

Lakers strength: NBA's fiercest and most clutch player. Length and playoff experience. NBA's premier skilled big man and the sixth man of the year. The Zen Master.
Lakers weakness: Complacency. Boredom. Age
Superhero: Green Lantern
Strength: Flight. Force-field and mental powers.
Weakness: The color Yellow and a Kardashian.
Common Denominator: Rings

Hornets strength: CP3. Resolve. Unselfishness
Hornets weakness: Injured David West and overall talent level
Superhero: Wolverine
Strengths: Healing, speed, senses. Adamantium claws.
Weakness: Himself and carbonadium

Result: Green Lantern gets help from his bench. Los Angeles in 6.

Dallas Mavericks vs Portland Trailblazers

Mav's strengths: Scoring. Depth. Regular season dominance
Mav's weakness: Consistent Playoff Under-Achievers. Finesse.
Superhero: Aquaman
Strength: Telepathic ability to communicate with marine life. Super speed and strength.
Weakness: Land

Blazer's strengths: Emergence of LaMarcus Aldridge. Rose Garden arena.
Blazer's weakness: Brandon Roy's knees
Superhero: Human Torch
Strength: Flight. Fire from hands. Supernova
Weakness: Water, wind, and the spirit of Bill Walton.

Result: Aquaman keeps his head above water. Dallas in 7.

Denver Nuggets vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

Nugget's strength: Depth. Passing. Nene and Kenyon.
Nugget's weakness: Lack of leadership and experience at the point guard position. No end of game shooting threat.
Superhero: Iron Man
Strengths: Suit. Weapons. Flight.
Weakness: Heart condition and shortness of breath from Melo-Drama.

Thunder's Strength: Scoring champion Kevin Durant. Underrated point guard Russel Westbrook. The addition of Perkins for size and toughness. Speed.
Thunder's Weakness: Turnovers. Lack of playoff experience.
Superhero: Thor
Strengths: Extended lifespan. Strength and speed. Keen senses and hammer.
Weakness: Warriors madness

Result: Thor lays the hammer down. Oklahoma City in 7.

The 2011 NBA Playoffs: Let the stars collide. 

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